Monday, July 21, 2014

Sugarland Express

One lump or two?

Bobby's family and and a cousin or two were all jammed into the back of a 67 Plymouth station wagon,  at the Evans drive in watching "Sugarland Express", a  film by an unknown director name Steven Spielberg  in which a young desperate couple kidnap a Texas highway patrolman (based on a true story) to try to get thier baby back from child services. In fact it was this director's first film, and starred a sexy young actress named Goldie Hawn. Unfolding on the big screen, was the biggest car chase ever seen in the movies up until that time, truly America's biggest car chase, if you will.

  Then it happened. Bobby was chewing on a handful of Dots gumdrops, just
stuffing his cheeks when sheer TERROR swept over him. There it was right there
in his cheek... A LUMP. He swallowed all the candy...but it was sure still there, plain as day. On the
left side, just below the corner of his mouth. He had been learning about cancer at school from his  6th grade science teacher Bette Davis, whose sister in Galveston was fighting cancer. Her cancer had
started out as a lump on her neck. a salivary gland,maybe.   Could this be the same
thing? This lump in his cheek, marble size, just like Mrs Davis' sister?!?!?!?!.

It actually rolled around when pressed.      Sheer Panic! 
Was it  a tumor? Was it the C word? Maybe it was... it was ...SOAP Poisoning!
Oops. Wrong movie. That's Christmas Story.
So, here we are. This life long fear rearing it's ugly head, a real life monster under the
bed... this "evil nugget" as Kelly calls it.
In the 90's Bobby's Osteopathic doctor surgically removed a lipoma from the back
of his head. (A Lipoma is a fatty tumor. They are not considered dangerous.)
It came back. She named it "Herman". She took  out again. Guess
what? It came back yet again and again!  The doctor ended up removing Herman
4 times in her back surgery room in her office. The 4th time was a charm. It was
always was benign, but it was a great relief just to be symetrical again. He got the damn thing
in the first place because Donnie Cushman, mess specialist seaman apprentice on
the USS Pluck used to call Chief Wiesen "lumphead". The Chief was Bobby's first
Mess Chief in 1981 when he first reported aboard for duty. He had a lump on his
head, behind his right ear.Right where Herman showed up.
Bobby never scolded or chewed out Donnie for calling
Chief Wiesen "Lumphead"(Bobby out ranked him by 3 steps) . For this, Karma rewarded Bobby with Herman the lipoma from HELL. Damn these lumps. Damn them.
Sharon named this rib lesionn "Lester Diamond" , as in 'leeching lytic lesion' or simply useless, a bum. A parasite...

 (Apologies to James Woods, Casino).
Hopefully they will soon be changing his name to Lester the Benign Lesion.

Benign. Benigno. Bene. Buono. Bon. Giorno. Bongiorno.
Bongiorno to the evil nugget. Tomorrow the 22nd. New wing of the Anschutz

inpatient pavillion, AKA the AIP at 7:30 am. Check in is at 5:30. in the AM.  Sheesh!
NPO starts at 9:30 this evening. Early bird gets the... lesion. 


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