Billy Bob's Wild Ride: Acceptance is the key

Friday, August 1, 2014

Acceptance is the key

PLEASE CLICK PICTURE TO ENLARGE

COLLAGE in main hall at the C.U. Cancer Center Anshutz outpattient pavillion

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

April 2006 Ardis on the liver transplant ward @ UCHSC

For me, serenity began when I learned to distinguish between those things that I could change and those I could not. When I admitted that there were people, places, things, and situations over which I was totally powerless, those things began to lose their power over me. I learned that everyone has the right to make their own mistakes, and learn from them, without my interference, judgement, or assistance!

The key to my serenity is acceptance. But "acceptance" does not mean that I have to like it, condone it, or even ignore it. What it does mean is I am powerless to do anything about it... and I have to accept that fact.

Nor does it mean that I have to accept "unacceptable behavior." Today I have choices. I no longer have to accept abuse in any form. I can choose to walk away, even if it means stepping out into the unknown. I no longer have to fear "change" or the unknown. I can merely accept it as part of the journey.
I spent years trying to change things in my life over which I was powerless, but did not know it. I threatened, scolded, manipulated, coerced, pleaded, begged, pouted, bribed and generally tried everything I could to make the situation better -- only watch as things always got progressively worse.
I spent so much time trying to change the things I could not change, it never once occurred to me to simply accept them as they were.
Now when things in my life are not going the way I planned them, or downright bad things happen, I can remind myself that whatever is going on is not happening by accident. There's a reason for it and it is not always meant for me to know what that reason is.
That change in attitude has been the key to happiness for me. I know I am not the only who has found that serenity.

-Page 449 (first 3 editions, pg. 417 in the 4th edition) of Alcoholics Anonymous or The Big Book as it is widely known-

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Solitary plasmacytoma

Solitary plasmacytoma is a large solitary focus of plasma cell proliferation.

This tumor has a median patient age of approximately 10 years younger than multiple myeloma.

Pain is the most common symptom. However, if the myeloma occurs in the spine, it will usually present with fast developing paraplegia and gibbous deformity due to the vertebral collapse.

Complete Information on this Tumor

Introduction and Definition:

Solitary plasmacytoma is a large solitary focus of plasma cell proliferation. This tumor is extremely rare and is found in the proximal femur, vertebral bodies, and pelvis in order of descending frequency. Solitary plasmacytoma occurs 70% of the time as an osseous lesion, and the rest of the cases are non-osseous lesions usually found in the upper respiratory tract. Approximately 70% of the patients with solitary plasmacytoma develop multiple myeloma.

Incidence and Demographics:

This tumor has a median patient age of approximately 10 years younger than multiple myeloma, and affects men more than women.

Symptoms and Presentation:

Pain is the most common symptom. However, if the myeloma occurs in the spine, it will usually present with fast developing paraplegia and gibbous deformity due to the vertebral collapse.

X-Ray Appearance and Advanced Imaging Findings:

Radiologically, solitary plasmacytoma appears identical to multiple myeloma.

Differential Diagnosis:

Most authors agree on a strict diagnostic criteria for solitary plasmacytoma. There may be no other radiological identifiable lesions, and bone marrow at another site must have no abnormal plasma cells. There may be no serum abnormalities and no Bence-Jones proteins in the urine. Some authors believe that the diagnosis can only be made if no other lesion is found for a period greater than 1 year.

Preferred Biopsy Technique for this Tumor:

Bone marrow biopsy

Histopathology findings:

Microscopically, solitary plasmacytoma appears as well to poorly differentiated sheets of plasma cells. These cells produce the same osteoclast stimulating factors found in multiple myeloma.

Treatment Options for this Tumor:

Treatment of solitary plasmacytoma includes radiation or en-bloc surgical resection. If abnormal serum or urine findings are present then the patient must be treated as if they have multiple myeloma with chemotherapy and bone marrow transplant 2.

Outcomes of Treatment and Prognosis:

Patients with solitary plasmacytoma have a better prognosis than patients with multiple myeloma, but 70% of solitary plasmacytoma patients develop multiple myeloma, and usually die within 5 years.

Graduation Day

LINAC U

You'd think that 25 radiation treatments wouldn't amount to much of anything. It doesn't sound like a lot.

...25 trips to the hospital. We were wrong. We started the week before Thanksgiving after a month long delay because of a bad bad flu like cold I developed. They wanted a commitment, with as few absences as possible, so we waited. The coughing up blood and fevers subsided, then we started, and got our groove. I say WE because Notbillybob's wife, Sharon drove most days. I was just along for the ride. Well, after 10 treatments, the tiredness set in. Especially for her. Like a new part time job. Notbillybob feeling like a roast ham most days. Kind of like a sun burn inside your guts. He made a big mistake in eating jalapenos one night. Ooh, the burn. So, they asked the doc if the stomach was getting radiation. They said "lets pull up your treatment plan... Yes, see here, inside this red line. The treatment plan showed that it was. The innermost red line is the most radiation, the outer one is the least. The green one is in the middle. A good part of the stomach is even inside the blue line.

The pain was accounted for. They told us that they were also concerned with his platelet count. It was going down again. Down to 37! (Low is 150) It has since stabilized at 40. The thing is that the white cells, red cells, hematocrit are all low. Way low. Bilirubin is elevated. INR is elevated. Not billybob began wearing a mask to treatments. Don't need cooties at a time like this.

Then the really cold weather set in. I know, I know- it doesn't really cause colds and "death of pneumonia" like our moms used to say, but when you have cancer of the immune cells, and then your white cell count goes in the toilet as well...

Notbillybob is going to stay a hermit for the foreseeable future.

But SMILE!

New Years eve was treatment number 25. Graduation day! Graduation from LINAC U!

(LINAC is a Linear Accelerator, an IMRT radiation therapy machine)